No body messes with SANTA SINGH ;)

No body messes with SANTA SINGH

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
  
  
 
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: 

"Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara (dear), you are potatoes and tomatoes"!

REINCARNATION

REINCARNATION

Anil came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. 

He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. 'Who the hell are you?' Demanded 

Anil, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom?'.

The mysterious Man answered 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm Yamraj'.

Anil was stunned 'You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away'.

Yamraj replied 'Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'

Anil was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. 'This ain't so bad' he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said 'So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?'

It's not so bad' replies Anil, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode'.

You're ovulating' explained the rooster, 'don't tell me you've never laid an egg before'.

'Never' replies Anil



'Well just relax and let it happen'



And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail.


An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.



When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!




The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting

Anil, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting on the bed'….!!!!

Live Your Life @ Full On Way :)

Live Your Life

Project People VS Bench People

For Project People:

Kas ke joota Kas ke belt
khons ke andar apni shirt
Office ko chali sawaari
kandhon pe hai zimmedari

haath mein notebook man mein dum
Aaj to CR execute karenge hum
har issue se takrayenge
Migration k baad hi ghar jayenge hum

Project ka naara jame raho
TL ka ishaara jame raho
Project ka naara jame raho
TL ka ishaara jame raho

ye sote bhee hain attention
Testing karne ki hai tension
mehnat inko pyari hai
ekdum aagyakari hain

ye Cafeteria par hi jeete hain
ye Chai Coffee peete hain
bewaqt sote bewaqt khate
taan ke seena badhte jate

Project ka naara jame raho...


For Bench People:

yahaan alag andaz hai
jaise chidta koi saaz hai
har kaam ko taala karte hain
ye sapne paala karte hain

ye hardum socha karte hain
ye khud se poocha karte hain

kyon project ka naara jame raho...

ye project ke kabhi ghulam nahin
inhe kisi baat ka dhyan nahin
Girlfriend se milne jaate hain
Mobile par batiyate hain

ye mails forward karte hain
novels saare padhte hai
aur company k discussion forum pe
ye kalakariyan karte hain

Bench ka naara jame raho..

A wish from a child

Wish from a child

"Dear God, 

this year 

please send clothes

 for all those poor ladies in 

Daddy's Computer...."

Important CDC alert - WORK - BEER - WINE

Important CDC alert

Hi All,

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.  This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).  If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!  This virus will wipe out your private life entirely.  If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).  Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends.  If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

TENSION

TENSION

Ladki ne aapse lift mangi, 

Raste mein uski tabiat kaharab ho gai. 

Aapko TENSION !!

Aap hospital le gaye, 

Doctor bola – aap baap banne wale ho 

Aapko TENSION !!

Aap bole – Mai iska baap nahi ! 

Phir ladki se pucha

Ladki boli – yehi baap hai. 

Aapko aur TENSION.

Phir police ayi 

Aapka medical check up hua. 

Report aayi. 

Aap to kabhi baap hi nahi ban sakte. 

Aapko aur TENSION !!

Aap ne khuda ka shukar ada kiya aur aap Khushi Khushi ghar gaye !

Aur phir socha Ki ghar pe jo bachchay hai Wo kiske hai…????????

Aapko Phir TENSION !!!!!!

3 cheers for Testers….

3 cheers for Testers

Captain planet

 

 

Comparison of marriages - Love VS Arranged

Comparison of marriages - IT style 

Love Marriage Arranged Marriage Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to  movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like. Similar to object oriented programmingapproach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement  the main program. The functions  can be added or deleted. It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a  dynamic system and difficult to  maintain. Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible Family system hangs because  hardware (called parents) is not responding. Compatible with hardware  (Parents). You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life. You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they    are responsible for successful   execution of project Married life. Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking ! food, washing clothes etc. All these features are covered in the SRS as required features. Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy. Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back! Love Marriage is like Windows , beautiful n seductive.... Yet  one never knows when it will crash.... Arranged Marriage is like   Unix... boring n colorless...  still extremely reliable n robust.

Dat's Imprudent - Effect of NOT Wearing a watch

Effect of NOT Wearing a watch 

Young Man Sir, may I know the time, please

Old Man Certainly not.

Young Man Sir, but why What are you going to lose,if

You tell me the time

Old Man Yes, I may lose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man But Sir, can you tell me how

Old Man See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.

Young Man Quite possible.

Old Man May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man Quite possible.

Old Man One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtesy, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again.This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.

Young Man Possible

Old Man Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you & you will admire my daughter.

Young Man Smiles.

Old Man Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.

Young Man Smiles

Old Man My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.

Young Man Smiles

Old Man One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.

Young Man Oh Yes! And smiles

Old Man (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.

Inspirational Poem : Mom and Dad : In Hindi

Jab Tu Paida Huwa Kitna Majboor Tha
Yeh Jahan Teri Sonch Se Bhi Dour Tha...

Haath Paaon Bhi Tab Tere Apney Na Thay
Teri Ankhon Main Duniya Ke Sapney Na Thay...

Tujh Ko Aata Sirf Rona Hi Tha
Doodh Pi Ke Kaam Tera Sona Hi Tha...

Tujh Ko Chalna Sikhaya Tha Maa Ne Teri
Tujh Ko Dil Main Basaya Tha Maa Ne Teri...

Maa Ke Saaye Main Parwaan Chadne Laga
Waqt Ke Sath Qad Tera Badne Laga...

Dhirey Dhirey Tu Kadiyal Jawan Ho Gaya
Tujh Pe Saara Jahan Meharban Ho Gaya...

Zor-e- Bazoo Pe Tu Baat Karne Laga
Khud Hi Sajney Laga Khud Sanwarney Laga...

Ek Din Ek Ladki Tujhe Bhaa Gayei
Ban Ke Dulhan Woh Tere Ghar Agayei...

Ab Faraayez Se Tu Door Honay Laga
Beej Nafrat Ka Khud Hi Tu Boney Laga...

Phir Tu Maa Baap Ko Bhi Bhulaaney Laga
Teer Baton Ke Phir Tu Chalaney Laga...

Baat Be Baat Unn Se Tu Ladney Laga
Qayda ek Naya Tu Phir PaDnay Laga...

Yaad Kar Tujh Se Maa Ne Kaha ek Din
Abb Humara Guzara Nahin Tere Bin...

Sunn Ke Yeh Baat Tu Tayesh Main Agaya
Tera Gussa Teri Aqal Ko Kha Gaya...

Josh Main Aake Tu Ne Yeh Maa Se Kaha
Main Tha Khamosh Sab Dekhta Hi Raha...

Aaj Kehta Hoon Peecha Mera Chor Do
Jo Hai Rishta Mera Tum Se Woh Tod Do...

Jao Ja Ke Kahin Kaam Dhanda Karo
Log Marte Hain Tum Bhi Kahin Ja Maro...

Bait Kar Aahen Bharti Thi Maa Raat Bhar
Inki Aahon Ka Tujh Par Howa Na Asar...

Ek Din Baap tera Chala Rooth Kar
Kaise Bikhri Thi Phir Teri Maa Toot Kar...

Phir Woh Bhi Bas kal Ko Bhulati Rahi
Zindagi Isko Har Roz Satati Rahi...

Ek Din Maut Ko Bhi Taras Agaya
Iska Rona Bhi Taqdeer Ko Bha Gaya...

Ashk Ankhon Main Thay Woh Rawana Huwi
Maut Ki Ek Hichki Bahana Huwi...

Ek Sukoon Us ke Chehre Pe Chaaney Laga
Phir Tu Mayyat Ko Uski Sajaney Laga...

Muddatain Ho Gayi Aaj Booddha Hai Tu
Tooti Khatiya Pe PaDa Bora Hai Tu...

Tere Bacche Bhi Abb Tujh Se Dartey Nahi
Nafraten Hain, Muhabbat Woh Kartey Nahi...

Dard Mein Tu Pukare Ke "O MERI MAA"
TERE DAM SE HI ROSHAN THE DONO JAHAN...

Waqt Chalta Rahta Hai Waqt Rukta Nahi
Toot Jata Hai Woh Jo Ke Jhukta Nahi...

Bann Ke Ibrat Ka Tu Abb Nishaan Reh Gaya
Dhoondh ab Zor Tera Kahan Reh Gaya...

Tu AHKAAM-E-RABBI Bhulata Raha
APNE MAAN-BAAP KO TU SATATA RAHA...

Kaat Le Tu Wohi, Tu Ne Boya Tha Jo
Tujh Ko Kaise Miley Tu Ne Khoya Tha Jo...

Yaad Kar Ke Gaya Daur, Tu Rone Laga
Kal Jo Tu Ne Kiya Aaj Phir Hone Laga...

Maut Maange Tujhe Maut Aati Nahin
Maa Ki Surat Nigahon Se Jati Nahi...

Tu Jo Khanse Tu Aulad Daantey Tujhe
Tu Hai Nasoor Sukh Kaun Baantey Tujhe...

Maut Ayegi Tujh Ko Magar Waqt Par
Bann Hi Jaye Gi Qabar Teri Waqt Par...

QADAR MAA BAAP KI GAR KOI JAAN LE
APNI JANNAT KO DUNIYA MAIN PEHCHAN LE...

Aur Leyta Rahe Woh BaDaun Ki Dua
Usi Ke Dono Jahan, Uska Haami KHUDA...

Yaad Rakhna her aulaad Is Baat Ko
Bhool Jana Na REHMAT KI BARSAT Ko.......... .....

Einstein on a travel....

I know who I am but what i don't know is where I'm going

Albert Einstein, was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the  tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, the famous  physicist reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so  he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in  his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it."

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor then continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one."

Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going."

Kids Are Quick

Kids Are Quick 

____________________________________ 

TEACHER:      Maria, go to the map and find North America .. 

MARIA:         Here it  is. 

TEACHER:      Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ? 

CLASS:         Maria. 

____________________________________   

TEACHER:     John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 

JOHN:         You told me to do it without using tables. 

__________________________________________ 

TEACHER:    Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 

GLENN:       K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 

TEACHER:    No, that's wrong 

GLENN:         Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.   

____________________________________________ 

TEACHER:    Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 

DONALD:    H I J K L M N O. 

TEACHER:    What are you talking about? 

DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.   

__________________________________ 

TEACHER:    Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 

WINNIE:      Me! 

__________________________________________   

TEACHER:    Glen, why do you always get so dirty? 

GLEN:          Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.   

_______________________________________ 

TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with " I " 

MILLIE:        I is.. 

TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I  am.' 

MILLIE:       All right ...  "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."      

________________________________ 

TEACHER:  George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.   

                   Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS:  Because George still had the axe in his hand....     

______________________________________   

TEACHER:  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 

SIMON:          No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.   

______________________________ 

TEACHER:   Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's ... Did you copy his? 

CLYDE :        No, sir. It's the same dog.   

___________________________________ 

TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 

HAROLD:     A teacher 

___________________________________ 

Late but not to late to brighten your life in the new year !!

Let’s  follow  the  ZOOZOO  way  to  brighten  our  lives  in  the  new  year !!

Party hard

Stay in touch wit friends

Never be a loner

Be a team player

 

Have fun @ work

Find time for ur loved ones

Surprise ur dear ones

Play like a kid

Quarrel at times

But patch up soon

And finally, sport a smile and stay happy always !!

Hear what the guru says

Hear what the guru says