Marketing concepts

A Professor at one of the IIMs was  explaining marketing concepts to the Students:
		You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
		You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"
		You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"
		You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"
		You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! "Can you marry me?" - That's Brand Recognition"
		You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"
		You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"
		You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"
		You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"

Manager Ka Punchnama

MANAGER KA PUNCHNAMA

Problem,problem ye hai ki wo manager hai aur ,mein resource,

Problem ye hai ki mein chahta tu ki meri life mein koi problem hi na ho,

Lekin agar meri life mein koi problem na ho to ye uski life sabse badi problem hai.

Bull shit he is worried yaar, use to celebrate karna chahiye, because it happens exactly what he wants

Kasam se yaar is 6 mahine mein I had it all sab dekh liya maine,

Abe kaun sa job kaisa project kahe ka increament,

Job ka matlab hi hota hai End of ur own happiness.

Iske baad all u worried about deployment, late night work,increament,client calls

Shaam ka dalta suraj jo phale hum bhi kabhi dekhte the,

In managers ko na koi khus nahi rakh sakta , A happy manager is a myth.

Sab saala na bahar lage bade bade hoardings ka dosh hai,

4 years eng. Badi si degree and then job kahani khatam,

Uske baad ki kahani koi nahi batata, Iske baad ki kahani mein batata hu,

Iske baad banda do ghante late aaya to problem,

Late night ruka to problem.

Saala demands nd expectation kahatam nahi hoti inki,

ek to jo high priorty task hota hai na wo nahi batayenge,

2 week dimaag chatenge document banao document banao,

aur fir jab document bana ke do to 2 sadi si line ka mail lekhenge ,

we'll discuss in call,

aur fir agle do hafte dimaag khayenge Document doucment.

Saala kaam kar raha hu beech mein mail aa jata hai "Look into this also",

Mail ka reply deta hu sir abhi busy hu baad mein dekh lunga,

then again mail do the same first, 1 baar isko dekh lo,

1 baar dekh bhi lunga to tujhe kya mil jayega mere baap, theek se to kar paunga nahi.

Sabse jyada dimaag ki dahi to in bina resource wale project ne ki hai,gale ka patta hai saala,

Naye, purane, Band hone wale saare projects, resource wo hi 2,

are kaam jayada aa jane se ghante thodi na bad jate hai 1 din mein,

Fir iska jawab in managers ko bhi do, i think u r not intrested in project,

Why I choose u in this project, are mujhe kya pata ki why u choose me?,

abe jab samajh mein aa hi raha to phir release kyun nahi kar dete.

Saala pata nahi kaam kya karte hai ye manager Do mail reply mat kar,

urgent extn par call aayega,

Ab pata chala ye software engineer ki aise halat kyun hoti hai,

Aur ye adminstrative job wale bande itne happy kyun hote hai ,

because they don't have a manager to screw that happiness.

Saala kaam kar raha hu koi Pool to khel nahi raha phir bhi seat par aa aakar,

poochenge What r u doing..?,

Iske baad jaane se pahle inhe apna DSR (Daily Status Report) bhejo tab ghar jao,

Kuch achcha implement karne se phale 50 baar inse poocho,approvation lo,

Aur agar kabhi thoda rest mil bhi jaye to again same question what r u doing...?,

Are kuch nahi kar raha mere baap ye soch raha hu tujhe yahan se kaise bhagau.

Mein tujhe bata raha hu u never discuss anything with ur manager,

Because every discussion with a manager is an argument,

Aur bhai argument mein inse koi nahi jeet sakta,

because we are busy unke pass to koi kaam hai nahi aur senior persons hai,

to argument mein wo kaise haar man le.

Wo saala pure database delete mar de to koi dikaat nahi,

Lekin tum galti se 1 table delete kar do to aasman toot jayega...!!!

@@@@@@@Kuch nahi ho sakta in Sofware engineers ka bhai@@@@@@@

As I Mature :|

Strength of a Man & Beauty of a Woman

Strength of a Man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It is seen in the width of his arms that encircle you.
The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.
The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It is how good a buddy he is with his kids.
The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It is in how respected he is at home. 
The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits..
It is in how tender he touches. 
The strength of a man isn't how many women he's Loved by.
It is in can he be true to one woman.
The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
It is in the burdens he can understand and overcome. 




Beauty of a Woman

The beauty of a woman
Is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries,
Or the way she combs her hair. 
The beauty of a woman 
Must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides. 
The beauty of a woman 
Is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman 
Is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives, 
The passion that she shows,
The beauty of a woman
With passing years-only grows.




Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman,
but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man

Old but the trauma persists ;) : Horror movies in IT Sector

“SUBMIT” mat dabana…...

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Deadline

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Who Akhri Mail………

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Evil DART

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Masoom Coder- A Life in trouble

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9 Ghante 15 Minute

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Ichadhari Bug

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Zahereelee Defect

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Prod Release ki Raat

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Do Hazar Code Ke Neeche

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REGRESSION - RELOADED

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0 Bug – Mano ya na Mano…………….!!!

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I know what you CODED last summer

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Adam khor developer

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Bhut wala DC

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I still know what you CODED last summer

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Coding- The mystery continues………

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Darinda manager, tadapta developer ... !!!!

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Andha code … !!!

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Gayab coder – A murder mystery.. !!!

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Zahreela food court .. !!!

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Recession – Jaani dushman

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--- Appraisal Ki Pyaas
--- Badla Developer Ka
--- Tester Bana Shaitaan
--- Manager ki Cheekh
--- Tadapti Delivery
--- Client Ka Qaher !!!!!
---Viraana Cubicle!!!!!!

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Last but not the least ...

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Khooni Call

Why God allows

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and Suffering.....

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:

"I don't believe that God exists."

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"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.

Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?

Would there be abandoned children?

 

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.

I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

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Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.

He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:

"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.

"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because

if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

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"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!

That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.

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That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."`